


everything i ever did (is forgiven)

by driftingashes



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Choose Your Own Ending, Episode: Putting Others First, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Protective Deceit | Janus Sanders, Spoilers, Spoilers For Episode: Putting Others First
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:08:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23962102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/driftingashes/pseuds/driftingashes
Summary: Panic rose in Janus's chest like a cold wave, freezing up his lungs and numbing him from the inside out. "Vee? Can you let me in, please?"
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 52





	everything i ever did (is forgiven)

**Author's Note:**

> This wasn’t going to be set post-pof, but then I watched the new ep and shit happened, so this fic is super different from what I originally imagined it timeline-wise. It got much more intense than I thought it would.
> 
> First chapter is sad, second is happy. It’s the same text up to a point, so you can choose whichever chapter you want and you won't miss a thing.
> 
> ~Ash

"You and I both know... that's not true," Patton said, shooting him that soft, fond smile that _stars above_ he hadn't seen in years. It felt amazing to finally be listened to again.

After he finally sunk out, back into his own room, it finally registered: despite everything that had happened, Virgil hadn't made a single appearance. Not even off-camera when it wouldn't have even registered to the viewers that he was there.

Sucking in a breath, Janus sunk out yet again and attempted to rise up in Virgil's room, only to slam into a barrier. For a single heart-stopping moment, he thought Virgil had ducked out. But reaching out with his aura, he could still feel Virgil, but something was...off. Virgil's aura felt sluggish and weak, like he was barely conscious.

Panic rose in Janus's chest like a cold wave, freezing up his lungs and numbing him from the inside out. "Vee? Can you let me in, please?" If it came down to it, he knew full well how to slip past Virgil's defenses. He'd asked permission because he wanted to see if Virgil was coherent enough to form a response.

Ten seconds...thirty...fifty...a minute. Minute and a half. Three minutes. Four and a half minutes, and Janus was done waiting. He rammed against the barrier, shattering it, and popped into existence so fast he stumbled against the bed.

"Virgil?" he whispered.

The room was dark, cold, and silent. Janus shuddered, pulling his capelet closer around his shoulders. His breath was fogging in the air, unusual for Virgil's room, who usually balanced the temperature of his room with Thomas's living room, finding the constant slight heat comfortable - Virgil was always cold. For the room to be as freezing cold as it was could mean only one thing: something serious had happened to Virgil.

“Virgil!”

Janus strained his ears, holding his breath. A faint scuffle from the corner. "Virgil?"

This time, there was an accompanying whimper, so faint Janus barely caught it. He inched forward, squinting into the dimmer depths of the room. "Virgil? Is that you?"

"Jan?"

Janus's eyes widened as the room shifted. Virgil was slumped against the wall, hoodie crumpled up next to him on the carpet. But what Janus was more concerned about was the blood seeping from the gashes marring Virgil's wrists and forearms. It appeared that they'd been bleeding for quite some time, explaining Virgil's semi-conscious state.

"Jan...y'gotta leave. My r'm...h'rt you."

"I'm alright, Vee, just stay awake for me, okay? Keep your eyes on me. Can you do that?"

”Y’h....”

”Eyes on me, Virge,” Janus reminded him, tone taking on just a touch of panicked fear. “Eyes on me, come on.”

The blood was spreading far too fast, Janus could feel it seeping into his pants, but he steadfastly ignored the sticky, uncomfortable feeling and pressed down as hard as he could on Virgil’s arms.

”Logan!” he cried, hoping the logical side would be able to help. “Logan! Help! We need help! Please!”

Virgil’s eyes were fluttering shut, his chest rising and falling slower and slower with every breath. Janus sobbed, leaning down to rest his head on Virgil’s chest.

”I’m sorry...for everything I ever did to you,” Virgil gasped out, suddenly surprisingly coherent. “Love you....”

”I love you too.” Tears flooded his eyes, and Virgil’s form blurred. “I love you too, Vee. I love you too....”

He repeated the phrase like a mantra, over and over until his voice was just a hoarse whisper.

And that’s how the other Sides found him, crying into Virgil’s sweater, still mouthing the words into the tear stained wet fabric, pleading almost incoherently.

_“I love you...please wake up....”_

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that's all, I suppose. i have no idea how well this will even go over with the fandom right now. Stay safe, you guys!
> 
> ~Ash


End file.
